October 06, 2010

Blow Good, Baccy Bad

Rant begins...

I hate Californians.

Not all of them, obviously. Just the hypocritical ones.

Did you know that it was an 18 year old Californian girl that gave us modern day smoking bans? Yep. The story goes that she was on her way to a council meeting and was walking alongside her Alderman. "Oh cor blimey", she says to him, "Another 2 hour meeting. That means I'm going home with a pounding headache". "Why's that, sweetie" asks Alderman Bob. "It's all that cigar and cigarette smoke", she whines, "It gives me a cracking headache, so it does, begorrah and bejaysus". "Well", says Alderman Bob, staring directly at her heaving bosom (allegedly), "I can fix that. I'm a big shot in these parts". In they trot and Alderman Bob, secretly desirous of another peek at Chesty's, erm, chest, bangs his gavel and announces that henceforth, there will be no smoking in the council chamber. This was in the mid-eighties.

And so it began.

Then they decided that they wanted no smoking on short-haul flights. Then on trains. Then on buses. Then in taxi's. Then doctors waiting rooms (I mean, FFS!). Then pubs, clubs, restaurants, libraries, long-haul flights. Then inside cruise ships. Then outside cruise ships. Then in public parks. Then 5 metres from a building. Then 10 metres from a building. Then just outside. And we pretty much did fuck all about it. Now we wonder why we stand outside like fucking lepers.

But I digest.

The thrust of this rant concerns marijuana. Pot. Blow. Grass. Hash. Weed. Whatever the fuck you call it.

Look at this pure hypocrisy.

Without tooting my own horn, I can tell you that I know a shitload about smoke. I can tell you this and know, absolutely and unequivocally, that no-one can dispute it: burn anything organic and it will puke out carcinogens at a rate of knots. Wood, coal, oil, charcoal, tobacco, and yes, fucking marijuana. Not that I have anything against it, by the way. You want to suck on a dooby? Go right ahead. Be my guest. Whatever rings your bell, man. But DON'T, don't ever tell me that the smoke from your reefer is LESS harmful than the smoke from my Lucky Strike. Because it isn't. And please, don't ever try to justify smoking marijuana and vilify tobacco at the same time. It is rank hypocrisy.

For the more scientifically astute amongst you, cigarette smoke is no more or less harmful than marijuana smoke. And vice versa. I know, like you do, that it is the dose that makes the poison. For a smoker (of either substance, but we'll stick with the tubes of devil-smoke aka Sarin Gas) to do harm to a non-smoker, they would both have to be sealed in a 20' x 20' room for just over 1,000 years while our erstwhile smoker gets through 4 (FOUR!) cartons of cigarettes every single day. Oh, and neither of them can eat, pee, wash, or go twosies. In order to know absolutely that it was the SHS that harmed our non-smoker, we cannot allow any other chemicals inside the room. 1,000 years and 4 cartons a day. You do the maths.

Maybe some of you will now grasp just why I am so incensed at the smoking ban? No-one, anywhere, ever, has been killed by second hand smoke. I'll just say that again: second hand smoke has never killed anyone. Not even cigar-smoking Roy Castle. (Before the anti's wade in).

I have had a crack at ye olde waccy-baccy myself. Yes, I did inhale. No, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I didn't like it. It did nothing for me. "It expands the mind, bro", users tell me. "My mind is already all the way open, bro", I tell them. Caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol are my vices, and so far, none of them has harmed me. There is, contrary to the beliefs of the hard of thinking, a safe level for everything on planet earth.

Cigarette smoke may be unpleasant for some. But since when did we legislate against odours? I hate the smell of curry. Can I demand that they only be eaten outdoors, in the rain and snow, one hundred miles from the nearest human? I cannot stand people who marinate themselves in fucking Midnight in Salford or Eau de Catpiss before heading out on the town. Can I legislate against that? Or pig-shit. Ever smelt that? Can I lobby my MSP to get all pig farms moved so that my delicate little nose isn't offended?

Of course not. It is only cigarette smoke that deserves a bloody infantile law. Everything else is just fine.

Including mari-fucking-juana.

Rant ends....



Anonymous said...

I hear that San Fransisco is the place NOT to be. Very strident anti smoking laws. Not that I'll ever go back to America now with hell starting at Heathrow and then continuing for many hours.

Sue said...

I'll smoke anything and I do. I even grow my own weed on the terrace. Don't most people mix it with bacci anyhow?

Sue said...

Acutally, I did read somewhere that marijuana has more tar in it than bacci...

Captain Ranty said...


I have refused to go to Kalifornia at least eight times in the last ten years.

So far I have managed to move the meetings to different states.


Captain Ranty said...


Good on ya!

This wasn't a judgmental piece, it was more about weed being harmless (in the minds of the Righteous), which, if directly compared with tobacco, isn't.

Not sure about the tar. I only studied tobacco.


Frank Davis said...

I've smoked my fair share of grass, and I've got nothing against it. But these days I find that standard joints are just too hot for my lungs to handle. And bear in mind that grass smokers tend to inhale far more deeply than tobacco smokers, often holding their breath after they've inhaled.

And I agree that the smoke of anything is going to contain carbon, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and much the same constituents as tobacco smoke. So if it's something in smoke that causes lung cancer, it'll almost certainly be in the smoke from a joint.

But it's a religious conviction among grass smokers that their smoke isn't carcinogenic. I don't know whether there have been any studies. I suspect that there have been relatively few. I can't see how you can study a product which is illegal without great difficulties. It was much easier to study tobacco, because it was (and still is) legal.

And I'm sickened by the hypocrisy of dope smokers too. Quite a few of the antismokers I know are regular grass smokers. They'll happily light up joints. But they'll forbid smoking cigarettes in their own homes.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Yes, but you fail to understand properly. You see, marijuana is loved by lefties the world over (their politics are formulated while totally shit-faced. obviously) so therefore spliff smoke is magic smoke.

Much like nicotine is the most dangerous poison known to man. Until it's sold by pharma companies, then it's perfectly safe 'cos they're nice people like, innit.

Get with the programme, Captain.

Sue said...

I don't know about all that "chemistry" stuff.. I just know it chills me out (especially after a day of reading the papers). It's either that or I blow a fuse.

Weed has a habit of turning the psychotic into complete nutters. Those are the sort of people who shouldn't take any drugs!

Anonymous said...

@Dick - not sure that it's gov't by weed so much as gov't by charlie.
That's what's behind all those rules/regs/laws that make you go 'eh?'


Angry Exile said...

I seem to recall a few studies that found a stronger correlation between tobacco with blah than pot but a stronger correlation between pot and blahblah. Such obviously post hoc bollocks that I didn't even bother to remember what the blah and the blahblah actually were. Clearly the human body did not evolve (or was not designed, if you prefer) with the inhalation of smoke from burning plant material in mind, but people been accepting the risks and doing it anyway for thousands of years. It's called free will and shouldn't be obstructed whether the plant material is tobacco, Mary Jane, incense or the wick of a church candle - try banning either of those last two with the religious discrimination laws.

Captain, something you mentioned in your post has given me an idea. Some among the Righteous will be the type of people who like to bathe in their fucking perfumes and aftershaves - sadly their attitude to personal freedom still stinks - so perhaps it's time to put on a perfume allergy and start waving and coughing theatrically when they're around. Actually it's even better because you can dab at your eyes and nose with a handkerchief or say they're giving you a headache or making you nauseous - take your pick. Personally I suffer if I go somewhere a perfume wearer has even been, even if they've taken themselves and the source of this third hand chemical cocktail away ;-) Clearly the only solution is to ban it indoors and make them stay outside, perhaps in some kind of semi-enclosed shelter.

My only worry about campaigning for such a ban is the chance that some fuckwit will take it seriously. But I think I will do the coughing thing where I know it's a Righteous wearing a gallon of Eau Ferfuxake.

Anonymous said...

I can confirm the "Roy Castle smoked cigars" assertion - two musicians I know personally agree that they saw him smoking cigars, and reportedly, a third musician who also worked with him at some time.

Time to kill the Roy Castle Myth!

George Speller

Dark Lochnagar said...

Ranters, Dick has got it right, weed is loved by the lefties that are trying to change our society. Did you hear that shite from Nigel Kennedy, that he needs Marijuana to perform? Is it because he's 'creative'? No, it's because he's a drug addict. Not that I have any problem with that as one who has had problems with drink. But either face up to it, or don't waste our time talking about it if you won't.

banned said...

They banned us here they banned us there, they banned us smoking everwhere, given a great big boost by blaming us for the Kings Cross fire.

You ask "Can I lobby my MSP to get all pig farms moved so that my delicate little nose isn't offended?"

They did here "ban smelly pig farm"

James Higham said...

But I digest.


I am Stan said...

Yo Capitan,

I looooooove my "magic cheroots",though they affect my concen.....aaaww look a lil bird....mmmm I fancy trifle.....I might change jobs and become an wrestler,yeah like Hulk Hogan,yeah man a wrestler and call myself The Stanimater yeah man,no,yeah er yeah!!!! ;)

I am Stan said...

DL said,
Did you hear that shite from Nigel Kennedy, that he needs Marijuana to perform? Is it because he's 'creative'? No, it's because he's a drug addict.

Hahahaha what tosh, artists have used drugs throughout history to give themselves a different perspective,who`s to say Nige is talking out of his hole,IF he says he needs it to perform then who is anyone else to say different.....drugs and music are not exactly strangers are they!

Anonymous said...

no disrespect to you captain or your views,but i think this is a good time to mention that the oil extracted from the cannabis plant,is scientifically and practically proven to cure cancer,the THC kills cancer cells and promotes the growth of healthy new ones.so the cure for cancer has been discovered,not a mention of it in the media,it should be headline news across the world.
please watch (run from the cure)
and tell me im wrong.also tpuc have a good article called,the marijuana conspiracy.
trippymalcolm an absolute nicotine
fiend and toker. peace.

Anonymous said...

Parents should be banned from smoking in their own homes and private cars, wtf!

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1318202/Smoking-banned-homes-cars-protect-children.html#ixzz11fNmaZey

defender said...

Hey, ban everything, what difference does it make, you ban me and I ban you.
You notice that the places where we used to go and have a quiet dink and a smoke are suffering because of the lack of business. Whose problem is that, I am happy with the couple of smokie drinkie places round here.

Ranty, I am a freeman of the land because I (who is soverign) say so. Why all the paper work?

Anonymous said...

In France marijuana is call SHIT