June 19, 2010

Wine Not

"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery".-David Copperfield 1849 by Charles Dickens.

Now, I don't know about you, but when my outgoings draw level with my incomings, I stop spending. I find it remarkably simple. And, I will remind you, I don't have two braincells to rub together.

Our country doesn't have a pot to piss in. Worse, we mortgaged the piss-pot some years ago and went into negative pot equity shortly after that. We are skint. We have nothing. We have none to spare. We have no more to waste.

We are, in the common vernacular, brassic.

So, I would dearly love for one of the Oxbridge educated politicians to tell me in words of one syllable or less, just how the fuck they can a) justify a parliamentary wine cellar valued at £864,000 and b) justify spending another £17,698 on even more fucking wine?

Have they learnt nothing from the last shower of thieving bastards? Did they find 18 grand tucked away in an office draw and decide to blow it on fine wines?

Do the LiTors understand that it isn't their money they are pissing away? Do they understand that they have no money at all and that it is ALL ours?

Let's see what they have to say, shall we?

"Foreign Office minister Henry Bellingham revealed that Government Hospitality, which manages the cellar, had spent £17,698 on new stock since May 6 - bringing the total value to £864,000 - though he insisted the standard practice of buying wines young saved money for the taxpayer".

No, you gormless twat. You haven't saved us a single penny. The only way you can "save" our money is to stop fucking spending it.

Read this very carefully: You. Have. No. Money. It. Belongs. To. Us.

Witless Bellingham continues thusly:

"None of these wines has yet been used. Careful management of the Government wine cellar enables GH to provide wine for high profile events at significantly below the current market rate, making substantial savings for the taxpayer."

 Good. Then return them. And let's just think about those "high profile events" shall we?

If they are from Arabic nations, they won't be needing wine. Allah (PBUH) says they can't get mashed.

If they are from EU nations, they are just as skint as we are. Fuck 'em. They can bring their own plonk.

If they are from the USA, same same. BYOW. It's the courteous thing to do.

If they are from second or third world countries, give 'em a nice glass of clean water. We routinely deny them access to clean water. Their children die in the millions for lack of it. It should go down like angels tears.

This disgusting tale would not be complete without a quote from a Labour twat.

Oh, here's one now:

But with public sector pay and pensions set to be squeezed in Tuesday's Budget as ministers seek further cuts to deal with the £155 billion deficit, Labour former Cabinet Office minister Tom Watson called on the coalition to sell off its fine wines to prove "we're all in this together".

Yes Tom. We are all in the shit together. It was your fault. It was your pathetic parties' fault. And now that you are condemned to sit in opposition after 13 years of piss-poor management, you are awful quick to suggest selling off the family silver Labour stocked wine-cellar.

Fucking hypocrite. You're all the same.

I'm off to get motherless on booze I paid for myself. When did you last hear an MP say that?

And people call me a freeloader?



Bucko said...

I can sort of understand it. "Oh my god, take a look at the finances! Lets numb the pain with some wine."

Sainsburys basics Red is good enough for that though.

Sue said...

Damn, you're sexy when you're angry!

Witterings from Witney said...

CR Good post and good rant.

I may have got a good comment from RN, but never one like that from Sue!

Well done that man! (Lucky SOB - what you got that I ain't? - and you a married man!)

Anonymous said...


Have to say, you do have a rather well timed use of expletive to add flavouring to your lambastes!

However, as stated in my last post, on your previous article - POLITICIANS DON'T GIVE A SH*T!

They'll continue to have their extravagant soirees, their holidays abroad, their expenses, their perks, their second homes, their rides to work and back, their expensive clothes, their tickets to concerts and world sporting events, all funded by the tax payer of course.

Nothing changes. Nothing will change. People who continue to vote for politicians into power, will continue to allow them free reign to "f*ck them up their arses."

The wheel continues revolving...

James Higham said...

Have they learnt nothing from the last shower of thieving bastards?

Do you need the answer to that?

Captain Ranty said...


I don't want to pay for any of their booze. They don't deserve any.

Get the country back in the black then they can start to think about little rewards for themselves.


Captain Ranty said...

Oh go on Sue!

I mean it. Go on. Go on.


Captain Ranty said...

Thanks WfW.

The key is to send nekkid photo's of yourself. Sue has a lot of time on her hands down in Spain. The pictures...amuse her. She said.


Captain Ranty said...


I know, I know.

For a moment there I dared to hope....

But no. Abusing our "voluntary" tax payments is all they know.



Captain Ranty said...


No. Not really.

I don't suppose you know any witchcraft? We need to resurrect Guy Fawkes and help him finish the thing he started.

I cannot see any other way.

They will trough until the sun grows cold.



Bucko said...

Captain - If they keep cutting stuff and pissing the lefties off, I'll but them a bottle of Sainsburys red any day. :-)

Captain Ranty said...


That's exactly my point. They aren't "cuts", they are just "don't spends".

How hard can it be?

As for pissing off lefties, you don't have to do too much to achieve that. Those pricks are perpetually offended. By just about anything.



Bucko said...

True :-)

Dick Puddlecote said...

It's also rather hypocritical that they're making 'savings' on booze while simultaneously berating us for doing the same, huh?

Captain Ranty said...

Absoferkinlutely Dick.

Double standards, hypocrisy, do as I say, etc etc etc.

Yep. That's the change we need.



Dioclese said...

Abso-bloudy-lutely spot on, mate!

The problem is that the machinery of government is so vast that shit like this gets through. I would like to think that 'call me Dave' would have put a stop to this if he had known about it - it certainly embarasses him - and there will not be a repeat. If there is, he's a twat!

Time to cancel the aid budget too while we're about it....

In the past, I was self employed. This makes you good at budgetting. No jobs coming in, sausages not steak, no holidays this year. Simples innit??

Leg-iron said...

I found an odd thing in Tesco today. A one-litre box of Spanish red plonk for £3.50 or thereabouts. I had to buy it - a one-litre box was just too bizarre to leave there. Just working up the courage to give it a go.

If that stuff is good enough for the masses, why isn't it good enough for politicians, even the socialists?

Nobody - but nobody - needs hundred-pound bottles of giggle water stored in a big room. Let the supermarkets store it for you and buy a few in as required.

Although, I am stocking up on whisky. While they use our money to stock their booze hole, they plan to take more of our money when we try to stock ours.

I note B&Q stock a useful size of copper pipe...

Lion of England said...

it is not time for lawful rebellion,its time for the the sword,to put an end to
this, this lot who are no better than the
last the only change they have is the color of their Tie,Away with you, you Deceivers,liars,thieves,a pity there is
no Arsenic in your wine.