June 09, 2010

And So It Begins, Before It Begins

Two days before the World Cup starts, we see a story about an armed robbery.

It was always going to be a problem. In a nation where there is a rape every minute, a car-jacking every three minutes, and a murder every seven minutes, who in their right mind assumed the bad guys would take a break while the footie was on?

I have relatives in Johannesburg. When I stay with them, (their house is more a fortress than a home), Saturday nights can be a little...worrying. Gunshots can clearly be heard above the ambient traffic noise, and sometimes drown out the police sirens. The minute I heard that SA had "won" the world cup I thought "People are going to die and people are going to be robbed. Regularly".

And we're off.


"Robbers soured the atmosphere, though, and sent a reminder of local crime levels rivalling anywhere outside a war-zone with a pre-dawn raid on journalists from Portugal and Spain.
They rifled through rooms of sleeping reporters to steal equipment and cash at a lodge at scenic Magaliesburg town. "It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me," said photographer Antonio Simoes, who woke up to be held at gunpoint."


"The government will not tolerate any unruly, disruptive and unsafe behaviour," South African government spokesman Themba Maseko said in a statement on Wednesday. Authorities, who are particularly worried about illegal tickets, have deployed more than 40,000 police to keep order."

Well, good luck with those extra cops. If my personal experience is anything to go by, you really do not want to rely on a guy in a uniform with a gun.

The South African team, known across Africa as "Bafana Bafana", are sitting at 150/1 to win. Which probably means they are going for an early bath. Their supporters won't like that too much, and will revert to earning a crust the only way they know: with a sneer and a 9mm pistol.

Oh, and those rapes? They don't always involve women. So I suggest, lads, that you buy and install a tungsten chastity belt and leave the key back here in the UK.

Ladies, just don't go. At all. Watch it on the plasma.

I can't say with any honesty that I like football, so this is likely to be my only blogpost on the subject. Unless something spectacular happens.

In fact, if I were given the choice between watching a football match or sticking pins in kittens eyes, it would be the felines every time.

Sorry cats.



DerekP said...

"The government will not tolerate any unruly, disruptive and unsafe behaviour," South African government spokesman Themba Maseko said...

... which is why the government is protected by a lot of armed guards, the rest of you are on your own.

Captain Ranty said...


Zuma and his boys will be safe and sound.

It's the unwitting tourists that I worry about.