April 12, 2010

Hor-ses, Goats And Mules*

*Sung to the tune of "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves"....

What is wrong with people??

Bloke has sex with a horse and a mule

Two blokes and a goat this time

Chef has sex with a goat. Almost normal. No. Wait. He is a gay. And the goat was a girly. Oh my.

All of the above courtesy of The register. That well known court reporters IT website.

The stories are funny though.....

(I'll await the letters from PETA with a trembling heart).



The Filthy Engineer said...

I've just spat a perfectly good single malt all over my keyboard you barsteward.

Captain Ranty said...

Sorry TFE!

I couldn't resist writing it up.

The piece is for animal lovers.


Corrugated Soundbite said...

"Chef has sex with a goat"

I guess you are what you eat ;-)

Captain Ranty said...

Yeah, but what else is he humping in the kitchen?!


RantinRab said...

.....He rather unfortunately told the court: "The defendant does not have a stable address........

You couldn't make it up...

joe said...

CR,lets hope there were no lambs involed (thats assult on a minor)

Sue said...

What's happening to people? Are they all mental? I supposed some men have always been "sheep shaggers", it's just unfortunate that we live in an era where they can be caught on camera.

Thank goodness my man is normal :)

Captain Ranty said...


One guy had it off with a goat on a packed train, never mind near a camera!

WTF was he thinking?


Unknown said...

I'm all for a bit of sexual experimentation CR, (I am left handed but sometimes I go wild and use my right hand,) but those cases are fookin' ridiculous.

One of these days I'll go really, really wild and have a go at the Mrs., with her consent of course...as if she would, sniff sniff.

Captain Ranty said...

Go plastic mate. You won't regret it.

(Just need to hose them down every year or so).

Just watch out for naked flames. They don't like that. Oh no. The stories I could tell....


Mrs Rigby said...

"Bloke has sex with a horse and a mule.
Two blokes and a goat.
Chef has sex with a goat. "

Dammit, I was waiting for the punchline. But then, learning there's such a thing as
"caprine polyandry"
"the nanny goat wasn't too upset by the ordeal but it is difficult to tell.
Goats are like that. Never can tell what they’re thinking."
Was enough to spoil my keyboard.

w/v = prantsin

Unknown said...

CR, could you please bin Mrs. Rigby's comment...she used a bad word, NANNY! And I'm affronted by her use of the word NANNY on this blog. (sorry mrs. R, couldn't help myself.) :¬)

Anonymous said...

Goat humping has become quite popular in our Pennine towns of
late. Its either that or sharing
tables with stuffed skunks in the
local Wetherspoons.Worse still in
the Baguette area ,the Princes of Darkness(CAMRA) forming circles
around a pot of Directors next to a flickering candle.

Old Ram

Mrs Rigby said...

@ BigYin.

Surely the words Nanny and Goat next to each other should be enough to defuse your affront :P

w/v = ponstr

Unknown said...

Lol @Mrs. R. Sorry but that word just gets my goat.

Leg-iron said...

Big Yin - ironically, the goat just got my nanny.


Sue said...

CR. I thought I had reached that age where nothing can shock me.

I was wrong :)

Captain Ranty said...


I am shocked that none of you spotted the fact that no mules were involved.

I tried like hell to get "donkey" to work in the title (whilst retaining the Cher connection) but I failed.

Still, I think I got away with it.


James Higham said...

Is the goat meant to be preferable to the horse? tighter or something?

Captain Ranty said...

I think its a height deal, James.

It's not often one is out and about in the countryside with a stepladder, now is it?

Kneepads, on the other hand (Ed: WTF?), can fit snugly into a coat pocket.

I imagine.


Unknown said...

I'm begining to worry about you CR, I really am.

Anonymous said...

Re the chef has sex with goat story:
I remember this being covered with typical tact and grace on the now defunct Mark and Lard show at the time. One of the funniest peices of radio I've ever had the pleasure to hear. If you need cheering up after all the recent bollocks (and who doesn't!) may I suggest you type "mark and lard goat story" into google and have a listen. It's the first link that comes up.