April 29, 2010

For The Lavender Mob

I just found another linker.

Please pop around to The Foggy Mirror if you get the time.

One recent posting I have borrowed stolen is below. It is funny, but it is also a lesson. (To me, especially). And the lesson is this: if you are going to quote from a source, quote all of it. Otherwise you leave yourself wide open.

I don't know if the gay community are still referred to as the Lavender Mob but no insult is intended. (How PC am I?)

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual un-cleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of 
God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

I'm glad I found you Mr Foggy. You are now an Awkward Sod.



microdave said...

I'd love to know her reply - if one has been forthcoming!

I see that I can now kill my neighbour next time he starts banging and drilling on a Sunday...

Captain Ranty said...


I imagine that she had a big cup of shut the fuck up after receiving that letter....


Anonymous said...

Thank you for the Awkward Sod award; it's most humbling to be linked to by a proper blogger. It's just a smile now and then is all it is.


Captain Ranty said...

A proper blogger? Ha!

There are the pro's, then there is me. Several tiers below....

I liked the blonde joke too. We all need a laugh, especially now.

Stay well,


Padando said...

Dr Laura is a hypocritical cunt, whose stances on all these issues are everything to do with media market niche, big bucks and nothing to do with conviction.

They're all the same these media shite, with their pretend controversialism.

When her former lover posted those explicit pictures of her on the web a few years ago, his idea was to show people that she'd once been an attractive warm human being before she became such a nasty media whore.

Warning NUDITY!!


Captain Ranty said...

The link told me to bog off. Which was a bit upsetting. I like seeing nude totty.

I find most religious people to be hypocrites anyway. Nude or clad.

They pick out the bits that ring their bell and conveniently ignore the material that damns them.


microdave said...

The link works for me, although she's not my idea of "totty". It would appear that tanning salons were not commonplace then! Think H&E magazine from many years a go...

Captain Ranty said...


I get this:

This domain is blocked.
Site blocked. www.nudepedia.net is not allowed on this network.

This site was categorized in: Pornography

But I am a resourceful man. I found the nudey shots elsewhere.

I really should have checked that sentence. I typed "I like nude totty" but it should have read "I like nude". I was trying to be classy.


microdave said...

Must be your ISP - one of the few good things about Tiscali/TalkTalk is that they don't seem to be very hot on blocking sites.

Clive said...

It's also unoriginal.


Captain Ranty said...

I knew that before I posted it Clive.

I just thought it was funny.

True or not, it reflects real life. I have seen many examples of hypocrisy from the religious, both christian and moslem.