March 27, 2011

To Whom It May Concern-Census 2011

I will not be completing your forms.

I am not required to. I am in Lawful Rebellion and your statutes are meaningless to me. Besides which, my job is to hinder your government at every opportunity. This is not a lifestyle choice: this is my duty, my obligation, as a Briton. My instructions, taken directly from Article 61 of the Magna Carta treaty of 1215, still valid & still lawful, are as follows:

“together with the community of the whole realm, distrain and distress us in all possible ways, namely, by seizing our castles, lands, possessions, and in any other way they can, until redress has been obtained as they see fit…”

Crystal clear, those instructions. I take them very seriously. Be it known now, that I have revoked my allegiance to Elizabeth Windsor, and I have sworn it instead to the Barons Committee formed in 2001.


Magna Carta 1215, article 61


I, Captain Ranty, of XX XXXXX XX, XXXXXshire near[ postcode], in full knowledge of treason being committed in parliament by delivering the sovereign peoples of this common law land into the hands of foreign powers; in understanding of some wrongs done by the present holder of the Office of Sovereign, from whom I now transfer my allegiance, do willingly and wholeheartedly enter into lawful rebellion, and I solemnly swear upon my oath to obey the Lords in accordance with article 61 of the Magna Carta until such times as redress of these present wrongs is achieved.

Sworn and subscribed on this the 4th day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eleven.

My mark


Four affidavits are now lodged with Elizabeth Windsor, three affidavits are lodged with David Cameron dba First Lord of the Treasury, and one affidavit is lodged with the Home Office. None of my affidavits have been rebutted. All now stand as truth in law. I have Lawful Excuse. Send your drones if you must, but they will get the same answer. Invite me to court if you must, but I tell you now, I have already won.

For those who have not yet entered Lawful Rebellion, I strongly advise you to send the following notice to Jil Matheson of the ONS. If they can ask questions of you, guess what? You are fully entitled, under law, to ask questions of your own. If you get satisfactory answers to the questions below, by all means, fill in their forms and send them off.

My thanks to Dave: Murphy for the template.

Or you can use the instructions here, or here, or here or here.

Here you go:


Office for National Statistics
Government Buildings
Cardiff Road
South Wales
NP10 8XG
In care of:

House/Number, STREET,

Date: 27th March 2011

Re: Census Form


You are hereby put on notice.

Dear Ms. Jil Matheson, or to whom it may concern,

You are receiving this notice in response to the Census form which was addressed to “The Occupier”.

Originally, the census was instigated as a simple numerical count of the population; however, the information required in this census far exceeds this mandate.

The census form in question will be completed and returned subject to receipt of full clarification of the points and questions contained in this notice. This is therefore a conditional agreement. This removes controversy and means that you no longer have any ultimate recourse to a court of law in this matter because there is no controversy upon which it could adjudicate.

For this reason it is important that you consider and respond to this notice and respond in substance, which means actually addressing the points raised herein. The ‘nearest official form’ will not suffice, and consequently is likely to be ignored without dishonour.

Notice to one is notice to all. Should you not be in a position to respond with clarity to the points stated herein, a suitable officer or official must be delegated to fulfil these requirements.

On the other hand there is a time-limit on the agreement being offered. It is reasonable, and if it runs out then you and all associated parties are in default, removing any and all lawful excuse on your part for proceeding in this matter

You have apparently made demands upon ‘The Occupier’. Those demands are not understood and cannot therefore be lawfully fulfilled. Clarification of your document is therefore required so that I or ‘The Occupier’ may act accordingly. Failure to accept this offer to clarify and to do so completely and in good faith within 7 (seven) days will be deemed by all parties to mean you and your principal or other parties abandon all demands upon me or ‘The Occupier’.

Please answer and clarify the following points and questions in full with proof of all claims made:

  1. What law requires me to complete the census?
  2. From where does the Office for National Statistics derive the lawful authority to demand private information?
  3. Is there a limit to invasion of privacy?
  4. Is the Office for National Statistics lawfully authorised to demand Private property?
  5. How can we lawfully be penalised for failure to provide information?
  6. By what authority does the Census collector threaten penalties for failure to provide personal information?
  7. Are there any circumstances whereby security agencies may access census information as suggested by section 39, subsection 4 of the Statistics and Registration Service Act 2007?
  8. Since Census data is being requested under pain of law enforcement and threat of financial hardship, are people able to decline answering, so as not to risk incriminating themselves, as authorised, for example, by the Data Protection Act?
  9. Because government search and seizure of private information is prohibited without a court warrant based on probable cause, current Census policies violate that right do they not?
  10. As the public have not been consulted on the Census, please explain how this demand for private information is ‘Democratic’.
11.  Please confirm or deny that any demand through correspondence such as the census form sent to “The Occupier” has any basis for legal status or legitimacy.
12.  The Census form states “The householder is responsible for ensuring that this questionnaire is completed and returned" – please provide details of the legal definition upon which the ONS depends in defining “the householder”
13.  Does the Census refer to the “sentient, physical, human being” or the “Legal Fiction/Person” as identified by Birth Certificates, Passports, and other legal documents which have no legal bearing on the sentient, physical, human being?
14.  Does the Office for National Statistics expect the sentient human being to complete this Census on behalf of the human being themselves or on behalf of the various paper documents, known as the Legal Fiction/Person, which they represent?
15.  Please provide proof of claim that I am a member of the society whose statutes and subsisting regulations you are enforcing.
16.  Please provide proof of claim that there is a nameable society that I belong to and that the laws covered within any alleged transgressions state that they apply to me within that named society.

  1. Please confirm or deny that the census data will not be used directly or indirectly for the service of shareholders in any of the corporations involved in the running of Government Services.
18.  Please confirm or deny that the provided information will be used to form profit-making strategies and policies that will affect well-being?
19.  Since every government database has been hacked, leaked, lost or compromised in some fashion, how exactly can the Office for National Statistics claim data security and protection of the information with any confidence?
20.  Does the Office for National Statistics take full responsibility for any mishandled or miss-processed data, or loss of data, or unauthorised accessing of that data by 3rd parties?
21.  How would the Office for National Statistics locate, protect and compensate those individuals whose data becomes compromised?
22.  What evidence do you have that I am a United Kingdom Resident?
23.  Please confirm or deny that the spiralling cost estimate of almost £500million spent at a time of national austerity is considered by the ONS to be wholly justifiable and appropriate.
24.  Please confirm or deny that the expenditure of £4.5million of tax-payers money in order to “advertise” the census is wholly appropriate and necessary at a time of national austerity.
25.  Please confirm or deny that the Cabinet minister responsible for the census, Francis Maude, more or less admits that this census is unnecessary in this day and age and that the census is going ahead despite the government’s tacit admittance that it is a waste of money and time.
26.  Please confirm or deny that the ONS spent nearly £70,000 on reviewing whether the census form should include a “tick box” for those of Kashmiri ethnicity and that such a tick box was rejected due to “little interest” and that the resulting expenditure constitutes a complete waste of tax-payers money.
27.  Please confirm or deny that the ONS is spending in the region of £25,000 per week or approximately £9.5million over a ten month period on community advisors to “encourage” participation in the census and please confirm or deny that the ONS considers that this constitutes a wholly justifiable and appropriate expenditure of tax-payers money.
28.  Please confirm or deny that the ONS are, through these advisors, hoping to encourage participation in the census through dialogue with members of community and representative organisations in order to “engage” the communities represented by those organisations and that the encouragement through engagement is unnecessary as the ONS claims that participation in the census is mandatory and that a response is “required by law” and please also confirm or deny that in engaging communities in this fashion that the ONS are guilty of discrimination against communities who do not have such “representative organisations” through which to engage.
29.  Please confirm or deny that the census data will be handled by an American Arms Manufacturer Lockheed Martin.
30.  Please confirm or deny that Lockheed Martin have in the past been charged with illegally spying on UK citizens.
31.  Please confirm or deny that Lockheed Martin works with the CIA and FBI and that they have a lengthy record of crimes against humanity.
32.  Please confirm or deny that while it may be illegal for UK intelligence agencies to spy on the population without a warrant that it is not illegal for US intelligence services to spy on the UK population with such a warrant.
33.  Given their track record for such actions please confirm or deny that Lockheed Martin have not in the case of the census consultancy paid bribes to individuals in order to secure the contract.
34.  It is suggested that Lockheed Martin have no moral fibre, social conscience or scruples and it is further suggested that they are one of the most disreputable companies in the world – please confirm or deny this.
35.  It is suggested that thousands of law suits have been filed against Lockheed Martin for everything from racial discrimination to fraud.  If this were the case, it would prevent them from fulfilling their contract with the ONS – Please confirm or deny this.
36.  It is reported that Lockheed Martin have “lobbied” for the illegal war in Iraq and that they have been the main arms suppliers to the wars in Afghanistan, Iraq and Palestine thus making them responsible for the deaths of millions of human beings – Please confirm or deny this.
37.  Please confirm or deny that personal details collected in your census will be processed in a plant run by an American firm, staff of which were prosecuted for stealing student loan records of US President Obama.
38.  In a news report published by the Mail on Sunday shows that the company UK Data Capture Limited named as the sub-contractor in charge of processing census information is jointly owned by the examination board Edexcel and US-owned firm Vangent which are both regarded as having “patchy” records for data handling – Please confirm or deny this.
39.  Please confirm or deny that Edexcel was criticised by in 2002 by then Prime Minister Blair for a series of errors when he described the company as “sloppy” and “unacceptable”.
40.  Please confirm or deny that the Office for National Statistics considers these companies as acceptable agents for the handling of private statistical information of the British people.
41.  Please confirm or deny that the personal data collected by your census will not be sold, given, loaned or in any other way disseminated to companies offering online “directory” services such as or hard copy based directory services such as Yellow Pages or Thomson Local or any similar or associated organisations.
42.  Please confirm or deny that all U.S. companies are subject to the Patriot Act which allows the U.S. Government full access to any data in that company’s possession.
43.  It is claimed that only staff who work for the ONS will have access to the “full census dataset”; please confirm or deny that it would not be possible for several members of ONS staff (each having access to separate datasets) might not collude in order to collect together a full dataset of information in contravention to the security measures supposedly put in place.
44.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that “additional contractual and operation safeguards” have been put in place to address concerns about the possibility of the US Patriot Act being used by US intelligence services to gain access to data – please list these contractual and operational safeguards.
45.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that only UK/EU owned companies will have access to personal census data – please confirm or deny that there may be UK/EU companies that are subsidiaries of US corporations that may circumnavigate the assurances provided by the Office for National Statistics and the contract between Lockheed Martin UK and so allow access to personal census data under the US Patriot Act.
46.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that independent checks by an “accredited UK security consultancy” of both physical and electronic security are carried out for ONS – please provide;
a)      the name of the accredited UK security consultancy;
b)      provide references that confirm their accreditation as well as;
c)      details of the body with whom they are accredited.
47.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that 1,500 jobs have been “created” by the award of the contract to Lockheed Martin UK.  Please provide details of;
a)      how many of these jobs will exist on completion of the contract;
b)      what percentage of these jobs have been given to the long-term unemployed;
c)      what percentage of these jobs have been given to disabled people and,
d)      what percentage of these jobs are given to other than UK citizens and,
e)      what checks were made to ensure that they have the right to work in the UK (e.g. a Passport, a Visa or work permit for non-nationals).
48.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that 1,500 jobs have been “created” by the award of the contract to Lockheed Martin UK.  Please provide details of;
a)      the training that has been provided to these 1,500 new employees to ensure that security measures are understood and met;
b)      the rights that employees have to request time off for study or training, i.e. ‘time to train’;
49.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated “the contract has created around 1,500 jobs in the UK”.  Please provide details of:
a)      what background checks have been carried out to ensure compliance with rules governing “security related jobs”;
b)      details of the equal opportunities policies pertaining to the pre-employment checks as required by Employment law;
c)      details of the rights and benefits of those being employed for the duration of the contract; and
d)      the details of any severance package applicable to those staff who will lose their job at the end of the contract;
e)      the rights offered to staff under the “flexible working rule”;
f)       if flexible working includes the provision to “work from home”, what additional safeguards are in place to ensure the integrity and security of the personal census data under such circumstances;
g)      the benefits offered to staff for maternity and paternity leave during the course of the contract;
h)      confirmation or denial that the ONS conform to the “working time limit” requirements under Employment Law;
i)        confirm under what conditions a contract of employment may be changed;
      1. agreement between the ONS and the employee,
      2. collective agreement, or
      3. by implication.
50.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that the contract was awarded by ONS to Lockheed Martin UK as it “offered the best value for money” in an “open procurement scheme” carried out “under European Law”.  Please provide,
a)      details of how Lockheed Martin UK offered the best value for money by providing a table of the results of the tendering process;
b)      details of the open procurement scheme used and,
c)      the European Law under which the procurement scheme was carried out.
51.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated that a “number of specialist companies” are being used by ONS to “provide specific services for the census”.  Please provide;
a)      details of the specialist companies being used and
b)      the specific services being offered by those companies.
52.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated “the contract has created around 1,500 jobs in the UK”.  Please provide the following;
a)      which agency was used for the criminal records checks (CRB) on each of these staff;
b)      the net cost per CRB check per head;
c)      the registration number that the ONS has with the Criminal Records Bureau.
53.  In a Press Briefing dated 14 January 2011 it is stated “the contract has created around 1,500 jobs in the UK”. Please state how the data protection issues of these staff and their “secure employment records” are to be stored in compliance with the principles of the Data Protection Act 1998.
54.  Please confirm or deny that the Statistics and Registration Service Act 2007 section 39 subsection 4 would allow disclosure of personal information to any and/or all of the following:
a)      The 56 geographical and 8 non-geographical UK Police Forces and in particular the Devon and Cornwall Police who are currently owned by the corporation known as International Business Machines (IBM).
b)      The three UK Intelligence Agencies (MI5, MI6 and GCHQ).
c)      The Department for Work and Pensions.
d)      Private investigator working for the Department for Work and Pensions to hunt down alleged benefits cheats?
e)      Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs tax investigators.
f)       “Approved” Insurance Industry “anti-fraud” investigators / private investigators.
g)      The Home Office Borders and Immigration Agency.
h)      The Serious Organised Crime Agency (either for domestic investigations into Serious Crimes, or for these and also for minor investigations if requested by a Foreign Law Enforcement agency under Mutual Legal Assistance treaties).
i)        Lawyers in civil Court Cases e.g. for Divorce or Libel or Copyright Infringement etc.
j)        Local Authority Trading Standards departments.
k)      Local Authority Environmental Health departments.

55.  In relation to the notice on the front of the Household Questionnaire which reads “Your personal information is protected by law”.  Please provide details of which laws apply to the protection of personal information.
56.  With reference to the further notice on the front of the Household Questionnaire which reads “Census information is kept confidential for 100 years”.  Please confirm the method by which the paper forms will be handled following the capture of the information into electronic form;
    1. If the paper is to be stored, please confirm under what circumstances storage will be carried out;
    2. If the paper is to be recycled, please confirm under what circumstances recycling will be carried out;
    3. Confirm or deny whether the physical form will be kept as secure as you say the ONS intends to keep the electronic data.
57.  Please confirm or deny that the census form constitutes a contract.
58.  With reference to the claim “Census information is kept confidential for 100 years": - As this would mean that when we send these sealed forms back to the address, they are securely stored, and will remain unexamined by anyone for 100 years, is this offer to contract not fraudulent, and therefore null and void?
59.  Given that individuals have been criminalised under UK Terrorism legislation for causing information to be brought together by being accused that in compiling such information (even if it be in the public domain) they are assisting potential terrorists - please confirm or deny that by providing information via the census form, I will not be providing information to a foreign power who might have access to that data and so gain an advantage over this Sovereign nation.
60.  As it is an offence to interact with a terrorist group, please confirm or deny that Lockheed Martin fits the Government’s interpretation of a terrorist group.
61.  Please confirm or deny that I would be committing an offence of Treason if I were to willingly furnish a Foreign power with such information, and in English law please confirm or deny that that it is acceptable, if not our duty, to commit a lesser offence, in order to prevent a greater offence.
62.  In order to maintain equality under law, please provide to me the exact same information required from me pertaining to each and every individual who has, is or ever will handle the census information in whatever possible form.
63.  Given the premise that “time is money”, please provide documented proof under what authority the census must be completed in my own private time and at my own expense
64.  Please provide documented proof that I cannot charge a fee in advance for the provision of my time and personal information for the purposes of the census. Failure to do so will result in an invoice being issued which must be settled in advance prior to the completion of the census.

Please provide your response in the form of a “Statement of Truth”, sworn under penalty of perjury and upon your full commercial liability within seven (7) consecutive days of receipt of this Notice. If your ‘full’ response conforming to the above criteria is not received, within this appointed time it will be deemed a tacit agreement by virtue of your acquiescence that this Census is unlawful and that there is no obligation to participate, either as a Common Law sentient human being or as the representative for the Legal Fiction identity and any further correspondence or communication on this matter must cease immediately.

With reference to Section 40 of the Administration of Justice Act 1970 and the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, any attempt to contact me or “The Occupier” regarding this matter after the appointed time will be in breach of these acts and will render you guilty of harassment and blackmail which may result in you being reported to the relevant bodies.

Please also note that any attempt to contact me or “The Occupier” by telephone regarding this matter after the appointed time you will also be in breach of the Wireless Telegraphy Act (1949) which may result in you being reported to both Trading Standards and The Office of Fair Trading and may also constitute a criminal offence under Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

Finally, you do not, nor have you ever had, my permission to use or process my personal data in any way, and so pursuant to the Data Protection Act 1998, I hereby demand that you cease use of any and all data with regard to me or “The Occupier”, and that you immediately destroy all of my data held on your records. Failure to do so will result in a report being submitted to The Information Commissioner for Data Protection breaches.

The census form has been respectfully returned unopened. Please reissue only if or when all of the above points and questions have been addressed in full and all the required conditions have been met.

Sincerely without malice, ill will, vexation or frivolity.


Without any admission of any liability whatsoever, and with all natural, inalienable, rights reserved.
Errors & omissions excepted.

Copies of this Notice of Conditional Acceptance have also been sent to:
Census Customer Services, ONS, Segensworth Road, Titchfield, Fareham, Hampshire - PO15 5RR
And:    FREEPOST 2011 Census, Processing Centre, UK


Oldrightie said...

Letters sent including copies.

Captain Ranty said...

Good work OR.

I wrote on the Census envelope: No Contract- Return To Sender.

I also sent the letters to the three addresses. I'd like to see the answers.


mescalito said...

fuck, fuck, fuck the census, fuck, fuck, fuck the census.....

nuff said!

William said...

The pack that arrived at my home address was addressed to 'The Legal Occupier'.
No one at this address is known as The Legal Occupier so it was burned.
I recycle all paper into ash and C02 along with a few other trace elements by burning because the carbon footprint of the wagon collecting it in my home town and then the carbon footprint of the wagon shipping it to Manchester for processing is too big.

I did laugh at the Telegraph headline where the ONS states they have 'an army' of 100 humans authorised to conduct interviews under caution.

No idea how many homes are in this land but they must number in the millions so 100 soldiers employed until mid august are going to have their work cut out.
I don't envy them their job!

mescalito said...

they reckon they have the authority of the police, like fuck they do!

the police have no authority over us until we break the law so some authorised jack ass has nothing, i pity these people who will try and exploit and enforce a power they don't have.

James Higham said...

Still thinking about what to do.

some cunt said...

Nice work, CR. But somewhat unecessary effort, I would suggest. I haven't completed a census form in decades because I'm always out of the country on the relevant date, by a strange coincidence. Saves a lot of fucking about. Imagine if some cunt actually took the trouble to reply to your form and answered all your questions?? Then you'd be fucked, wouldn't you! Best thing is to "just happen to be abroad" on the applicable date. Absent yourself. Fucking site simpler.

Captain Ranty said...


I didn't write it all out. Dave at the link provided and a couple of his pals worked on all the questions. A lot of effort, I agree, but I really do think we should hold the fuckers to account. They are all logical questions but we already know they cannot answer all of them. And if they can't/won't answer them all, the sender wins.

Having sent many, many Notices just like that one, I know it fucks them up every single time.

I like your plan as well.

Do whatever works, and stick to it.


Captain Ranty said...


According to Sir Robert Peel, we are ALL policemen/women.

The only difference between us and them is that they have a warrant card.



Captain Ranty said...


Is that 100 drones just for England and Wales?

I haven't seen any reports about Scottish drones.

They can caution me all day long. I am saying nowt.


Captain Ranty said...


Only do what you are comfortable with.

Theories vary, but there is no way on earth they can cope with a mass census rebellion.

I'm just doing what I am supposed to be doing: making their lives difficult.


spunker said...

Tort law is your friend. It runs into books as thick as the OED and fucks Plod right up.

Captain Ranty said...


I just downloaded Halsbury's Laws of England and have looked at a couple of chapters but I haven't reached tort law yet.

I will beef up on it.


spunker said...

You gotta be joking, CR. You're into civil disobedience but have never heard of Tort law?????? Checkout Hepple & Mathews for starters. Sheesh!

Captain Ranty said...


I didn't say that I had never heard of it, just that I hadn't reached those chapters in Halbury's.

I've known about Tort Law since I was 15 years old, but I am no expert. I can learn though.

Perhaps you can give us some examples. You seem to be aware of its importance.


Dioclese said...

Personally I have no problem with the Census and regard it as a time capsule for my descendents 100 years from now.

It is filled in on line or scanned into a computer, so pretty much all the numbers will be crunched witout human handling. Sure the personal info is there is they want to dig it out, but I suspect no-one is interested.

I know you disagree, but that's fine. It's allowed.

See and for my personal slant on it all whihc is basically a load of fuss over nothing.

I shall now don my steel helmet and await your response ;-)

Just Woke Up said...

1. Is there a census? I don't watch or read the news and never got anything in the post. Dog must have ate it.
2. "Question you under caution"? Only if you confidently identify with The Name (no-one can) and also consent to engage with them.
3. Interesting one. Back last August a private homeowner was sued by a postman as he tripped on her property and hurt himself while doing business there. I have a notice up at the entrance to my land advising all corporate or business visitors that entry can only be gained after criminal background checks on individuals are carried (we often have vulnerable people and children here and you can't just let any bugger in off the street) and that successful completion of health and safety induction training is required as there are dangerous hazards present. Visitors will of course be paying for those reasonable conditions of entry, as we have to do. Chucks their own shit back at them... :) Elf and Safety trumps any 'Law' they claim to have authority under.

Census? Fucking EU stock check for tax purposes, that's what it is. The Tories back in 2009 stated that it was a waste of time and money. Funny how they've changed their mind like they did on the EUSSR referendum.

Captain Ranty said...


I'd like to think that this is a place where we can agree or disagree, according to our own personal thoughts and opinions. And still remain pals.

I will defend your right to say what you want to as long as I have breath.

I've read your stuff and if filling in their forms doesn't bother you, who am I to say you are wrong?

It is wrong for me, and as I am in LR, I am duty bound to encourage as many as I can to rebel against anything the government demands.

Take off the steel helmet. You do not need it here, old friend.


Captain Ranty said...


1. Shit happens.

2. Eggzackly. Fuck 'em.

3. Fight fire with fire. Good stuff!

And yes, it is just a stock-take. Fuck 'em. They are not counting me.


Anonymous said...

I shall complete the Census in full tomorrow.

And by complete, I mean to draw Dinosaurs with huge penises all over it.

Captain Ranty said...




Just Woke Up said...

Dinosaurs didn't have penises (or is that penii? - never did study that dead language). For factual correctness best draw dinosaurs and penises but keep them separate. I can draw a convincing cartoon cat eating a mouse if you want some artistic contributions to your artwork. Not so good at dogs and horses though which has always worried me.

Keep smiling :)

I just noticed the word I am supposed to input to submit this:


How apt! XD

Styx said...

Great stuff CR and best of luck with it.

I hope the list of questions gives them all a grand migraine; and I look forward to hearing of any response...

Anonymous said...

My missus has promoted me to head of the household for the census(result)It's all on my head she says. Like she does everytime I don't fill in the voter registration form.Waiting for the Borg to knock the door :D


Anonymous said...

I live in France so no problem with what the UK government dishes-out.

In France when any official phones or knocks on the door I say "no parleez da French".. Je suis English".

It's amazing. They just mutter and leave me alone.

Anonymous said...

Just had a thought.

If they want to personally "interview" you. Just stick a towel around your head. Wear a long night-shirt and keep saying "Allah be praised". They'll probably forget the whole thing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Captain

On a serious note. If you really want to hear an explanation of the corrupt "system" then watch this George Carlin short video

What goes for the USA also goes for the UK

24K said...

Love it.

Did anybody see me on the telly?

The Urban Indian with the Zombie Bank Death Squad t-shirt on at the TUC march?

Anonymous said...

Hey is there a census in the UK this year? Oh man these things only happen every ten years or so and you don't normally get to see it so far north. Just hope the weathers good as we won't see much if it's cloudy!

Anonymous said...

If you've opened it...

The instructions say "You should" fill it in in a certain way. Not that you must.

"You may be fined if you don't participate or supply false information". Return it blank, or draw snowman in the boxes. No lies included. Send it recorded delivery.