September 17, 2011

Sick Like Dog

Please forgive the lack of posting, and replying to comments, over the last few days.

Thanks (again) to to some filthy bastard in the kitchen not washing their hands (again) I have had mild dysentry (again). I only ever get this in Nigeria, and this is the second time I have contracted this horrible thing here. Not bad, considering that I have been coming here for 15 years, but three days of this... extremely unpleasant.

Shooting hydrochloric acid from your southern end is bad enough, but the stomach cramps really do concentrate the mind. I have never been stabbed in the belly with a claymore but I now have a pretty good idea what it must feel like.

My colleagues here in Lagos sent some medication to the hotel for me. I have no idea what they are or what they do but I took 'em. And, contrary to the chart hit of some years ago, the drugs do work. I think I may be on the mend.

I'll rejoin the conversation shortly.



some cunt said...

A severe dose of the shits by the sound of it, Ranty. That's my diogonsis, anyway.
The only times I have ever got food poisoning were in England, oddly enough, from eating chicken in English pubs. Seems we don't know how to safely prepare food. Never ever had this problem in Indian restaurants I have to confess. Remember back in the very early 80s "chicken in a basket" was very trendy? What a fucking shits-bringer-on that was! Glad they banned it. The only call 'elf and safety ever got right, I reckon. My advice to you right now is drink plenty of bottled mineral water.

RantinRab said...

Get well soon etc.

Captain Ranty said...

Thanks guys.

I've had the "trots" before but I think I got the Trots 2.0-The sprints.

I'm a lucky bastard. I almost never get sick so I'm never sure what to do.

My pals here suggested I go to the hospital but I would think very, very hard before going to a hospital in the UK, but in Africa? Forget it.

Plenty of clean water was part of the answer.

That, and keeping the toilet roll in the fridge...


Captain Swing said...

I suffered the same fate in Egypt and my digestive system has never been the same since.
Look on the bright side -some people pay good money to have their colon flushed out.
Be Well

Captain Ranty said...

Thanks Cap'n.

That's part of the problem though, isn't it? You crap out all the good bacteria.

Takes time to build it all up again.


Christopher - Conservative Perspective said...

Sorry to hear of your predicament but have to ask; Why the hell you are there to begin with?

If not work, I would say you brought this upon yourself.

Sue said...

Just keep drinking bottled water but go to your Doc when you get back. You never know what was lurking in the food!

Sue said...


Captain Ranty said...


I sincerely doubt anyone comes here on vacation.

When I am not at home in Scotland I am somewhere in Africa. It's my job. (I work for a US company too!).


Captain Ranty said...



Usually I have the constitution of an ox. I have eaten some pretty dodgy stuff in my time but it is only here I get sick.

Not sure what the answer is.

Packed lunches for a 10 day trip?


Woodsy42 said...

"Packed lunches for a 10 day trip?"

I thought they had recently invented the long-life sandwich :-)
But I hope you feel better soon.

hangemall said...

Bad luck Captain old chap, and get well soon.

I used to get the opposite problem when visiting my German ex's family over there. I don't know whether it was the food or the way they prepared it but having a crap there was the nearest a man can get to giving birth.

Anonymous said...

Caught a fun bug in Fiji called Shigella. got local health authorities in a tizz. Almost as much fun as when a friend bought typhoid back from India!!

Captain Ranty said...

Thanks Woodsy.

Already on the mend.

Gonna go and try a G&T now.


Captain Ranty said...

Thanks H.

I would have paid good money for constipation in the last few days....

Army rations used to have the same effect on me as your in-laws food had on you.

I should bring that with me.


Captain Ranty said...


I just had a peep at Shigella.

Looks nasty.

Glad I just had the severe trots after reading that.


Caratacus said...

My sympathy Captain: still - nothing that fourteen baths a day won't cure (as the MO remarked to me all those years ago).

Thought you might be intrigued by this:

"Lyall Watson (wrote 'Supernature') had an endlessly enquiring mind and never lost the habit of questioning received wisdom. Restless and nomadic, he travelled widely throughout his life, visiting Antarctica numerous times as an expedition leader and researcher. He introduced into his own body a tapeworm called Fred which, he claimed, unfailingly protected him from stomach disorders abroad. At various times he lived in America, South Africa, England and latterly Ireland, rising at six every morning to write for three hours before starting his day."

Drink beer...

Anonymous said...

Capn eat Garlic ...lots of garlic its antibiotic properties are known to combat dysentry very effectively...get well soon!

wv=pitfucal sonds about right eh!

Live an 'Achievable Life' said...

Well at least you know what the authorities are going to feel like and why we use the term 'when the shit hits the fan'.
Otherwise known as 'when the people hit the streets'. The poop will surely flow.
Get well my friend, bet your feeling SLIM right now Hey, works every time :-)

John Pickworth said...

Does NASA know you've been exporting booster rocket technology? ;-)

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Glad you're rejoin the conversation, but please don't call me 'shorty'....

Dan said...

Last year as the traditional Works Christmas Meal, I and my colleagues visit the Kro2 restaurant in Manchester. The food tasted wonderful, but unfortunately wasn't; a little extra ingredient was present.

I awoke in the early hours of the 19th of December of that year feeling a little "off". A minute later I was on my hands and knees puking uncontrollably into the toilet, and trying (unsuccessfully) to avoid pebble-dashing the wall behind me as the distal end of my gut tried to emulate the proximal part.

19th December is my birthday, and so it was I spent my 40th birthday ill. I'd hope to spend it pleasantly drunk; as it was the highlight was keeping down a cup of oral rehydration solution.

Further research revealed a few more mutterings regarding a number of temporal coincidences of eating in the Kro2 bar+restaurant and suffering gastro-intestinal problems. I shall not be eating their food ever again, since rightly or wrongly I blame them for the problems. Lesson learned, as they say.