March 01, 2010

An Open Letter To David Cameron

Dear David,

Your understanding of the words "modern" and "radical" are a little shaky.

I thought, when I clicked "play", that I would indeed hear something modern and radical. Instead, I find myself consumed with indifference.

What a let down.

Who told you that the NHS is the single most important thing to Britons? Even I can fix the NHS overnight. What you need is wire wool and Dettol. Lots of it. Buying in bulk will offer great discounts. Clean the hospitals. While you are at it, clean out all the petty paper-pushers for whom we closed down hundreds of wards to accommodate. There must be many thousands of "target chasers" that we don't need. What we need are good cleaners and good nurses. Now that would be modern. 

The economy? Yes it's in a mess, and no, it isn't your fault. As much as I want to say it's all Gordon Browns fault, I cannot. Look south-east, to a tiny little city. They call it Brussels. In this tiny place you will find thousands of unelected people, whose sole job is to a) separate us from our cash and b) drown us in new statutes and unwanted regulation. Dump the EU and we are on the road to recovery. Now, more than ever before, (one of your favourite soundbites, I believe), we need to retract. We need to withdraw. We need to lick our wounds and rebuild our economy. No point looking to Brussels for that help. Our relationship with them is clear: we send them billions, and they send us legislation. Get us out of Europe, pronto. That would be radical. 

 Law. Hundreds of thousands of statutes, regulations, and statutory instruments bog our country down. Repeal them all. We only need one law: do no harm. It covers everything. The courtrooms of the last thirty years morphed into places of business. Justice is the last thing I would expect if I were ever to land up in a court. Massive changes are needed to restore our faith and our trust. Just in the last few weeks we learnt that a woman who stole £1 MILLION from her employer walked free. A Lord who killed someone whilst texting someone else when he was behind the wheel, left gaol after just 16 days. Yet a man called Nick Hogan, whose only crime was to allow people to smoke in his bar was gaoled for SIX MONTHS! He should be released immediately and apologised to. Change our justice system to reflect common sense and build (rebuild) the foundations on common law. Now that would be both modern and radical.

In fact, reform the smoking ban and you will immediately inject life into our failing pub industry. At the last count, more than 50 pubs per week are closing down, with average job losses at 10 people per site, isn't it time to get modern and radical with a smoking ban reform plan? You will gain the respect of 12 million people in a heartbeat. Restore choice. Do it now.

Climate change. Distance yourself from this fabricated nonsense as soon as you can. Each week reveals more and more lies. The modern way, the radical way, to approach science is to have datasets that tell the truth. Right now our scientists have sold their souls for research grants. Reinstate integrity and honesty and let's all deal with real issues, not ones that were dreamed up to scam money out of gullible politicians who really ought to know better. They con you out of money and guess who pays? That's right. Joe Public.

We are sick and tired of bailing out governments with all the spending ability of a two year old gerbil. Cut waste. Lose ALL the quangoes. Cut off ALL charities that are so clearly fake. Start with ASH. They generate around £15K per year rattling tins, but get half a million from the government just by looking sad and holding out their grubby little paws. That would be modern. That would be radical.

Cut the PC crap. You say in this disappointing video that you have or will increase to 60 the number of female MPs. Box ticked. You have increased the number of black MPs. Box ticked. You have increased the number of Asian MPs. Box ticked. Here's a clue Cammy: Labour have been ticking boxes for thirteen years. Look where that got us. I have nothing against females. I have nothing agains blacks. I have nothing against Asians. But get this, if white middle-aged heterosexual men can do the job better, hire them instead. As the meerkat says, simples.

Use all of the above, improve on it if you can. No charge will be issued from Ranty Barracks.

But for the love of all things holy, don't try and tell us that your band-aid solution for a gaping wound is going to help anyone.

Get my country back from the unelected, from the unaccountable, from the clinically insane lickspittles in Brussels. Then understand that major surgery is needed. Not platitudes.

Do that, Mr Cameron, and I will help you all the way.

Do it not, and you will fail. And I will use every atom I possess to help ensure that you fail.

Think on.

Captain Ranty.


Sick of them all said...

Nice work, Captain. Shame it's all wasted on the Blair clone, Dave. Dave doesn't give a flying fuck what you or I want from a government. Dave is just another in a long line of stooges who will sell us all out to foreign interests. Nothing goes on behind Blair-clone-Dave's airbrushed forehead that isn't programmed there by his globalist controllers. Same as Brown, Blair et al. They are all the fucking same. End of.

Uncle Marvo said...

All of my atoms are at your disposal, Capn.

I fear that Mr C needs to grow a pair, and I don't mean atoms. Sadly, he has had some time there to do, and now I fear that it is too late.

I am consumed with not only indifference, like you, but also with disappointment, in equal parts.

Couldn't beat a one-legged cripple in an arse-kicking contest.

What have we done?

Captain Ranty said...

I know SOTA, I just had to vent my spleen.

If I thought he would actually listen, I'd take the time to contact him. My previous letters have generated proforma replies from the Labour/Tory/SNP drones that work for the MP I actually wrote to.

Their letters are like cheap Easter eggs. Shiny and attractive on the outside, but fuck-all on the inside.

Very disappointing.


Captain Ranty said...


We didn't fight back. At all. Ever.

We let the shit coagulate, and now it covers us all.

We let other minority groups take the shit because it didn't affect us. We should learn that harm to one is harm to all.

Rebellion is the answer. Peaceful would be nice, but I don't think most will settle for that. Not now.


Uncle Marvo said...

I agree. Peaceful would be preferable.

If most will not settle, then so be it.

Bring it on. I'll be pretty near the front.

Anonymous said...

and get rid of this parasitic attitude towards the public from all local and national government officials and other such public servants like Police abd Borders Agency.

We are not guilty until we can prove our innocence and there only to be relieved of our hard earned money by these jobsworths.

Stop fucking harassing us!

TTC said...

I'd vote for this manifesto...

Captain Ranty said...


I was thinking of actually penning a Ranty Manifesto.

It would contain huge surprises for all.

Some good surprises, some not so good....


Anonymous said...

The man's enlightened for god's sake, he's not going to listen to you or me! All three main parties are enlightened and none of them will listen to us. We are the punters and the political class do not listen to the punters.
Punters are wanting out of the EU, a limit to immigration and an end to the massive corruption and inefficiency that pervades the political class right through the entire country, from parish council to the Lords. Massive!

microdave said...

A restrained rant, yet totally accurate.

I think I'm going to show it to my elderly mother, who bawled me out yesterday for saying that I intended to vote UKIP.

Captain Ranty said...


I was heading down Profanity Street when I thought I should calm it down a bit. This is a re-write.

Some people don't like Anglo-Saxon so I figured I would write something even the terminally offended could read without them being even more offended.

It's capitulation, pure and simple, and I feel dirty.


LazyCookPete said...

Nice one again CR.

We are covered in the soggy blanket of apathy which we all helped to knit, whilst traitors opened the back door to the enemies of reason and sanity.

Popping the lid off Common Purpose would be a good start on the road to recovery, but quitting the EU is a must if we are to survive as a Nation.

Captain Ranty said...


If we get rid of the EU we also get rid of those thousands of CP graduates as well.

No need for 'em if our nation is restored to us. They are only there to "lead beyond their authority" in the new 9 Regions.

Two birds, one stone.

Make it so, Cammy, make it so.


microdave said...

Duly shown to mater - she didn't bawl me out this time....

Dick Puddlecote said...

Please tell me you sent that.

Captain Ranty said...

Who to Dick?

Those numpties won't read it. They won't even understand it.

They stop listening, remember? The very second they win a seat they go deaf.


LazyCookPete said...

Very true CR

Better not to leave the reds under the beds though - like we obviously did at the end of the cold war.

Pointless leaving the EU and leaving their moles in place.

Stripy suntan for the lot of 'em I say.

Lion of Engalnd said...

Excellent stuff! But the your words will fall on deaf ears,political as well as Joe
public,what we need is a man with backbone
and Strength of witch their are none in
the house of sin,nor in the house of Lords
of Money,the whole system is corrupt from top to bottom,we need a complete change,
As long as these house are together there
will be no Difference,

But i will say this to those that believe
that we have an opposition, or a Monarchy
then think again since Cromwell we have
had a republic that has been hidden from
view,since that time are checks and controls that were in place IE:the queen,the Lords the commons,were there
to do the checks and controls that made sure no one could have complete
All these checks have gone,so now you are left with a one man(PM) party DICTATORSHIP were the Pm control's every thing with his ministers no minister,no white collar worker in other words no one in Gov can do anything
without his say so,Any body bucks the system and their out on their Head Follow me,and the party agenda or else.
and as a long as this system is in place
you will suffer.
there is talk of using the sword,believe me that is not the answer
even though i could lift one myself
because of Frustration,the only way is to the Masses to march and i mean at least two million people,with our Demands only then will you achieve your
Freedom, do not use violence because that is exactly what they want.How will they arrest a million people?BUT IT MUST HAPPEN SOON,THE LONGER YOU LEAVE IT THE WORSE IT WILL GET.
besides what is the Lisbon treaty a piece of Paper that was signed by a madman it has not been passed by the People and as my own opinion it has no legal binding to the people of this island.

Uncle Marvo said...

Dear Lion

I wish you'd sort your grammar out.

But you have a lot to say, and it makes a lot of sense to me.

The penis, mightier than the sword.


Lion of England said...

PS. To my last the slese government are
more scared of you than you think,and
i qote (W,Bagehot ) IF THE PEOPLE KNEW
IN THEIR BOOTS.there is no more to say.

Uncle Marvo said...

They're not more scared of us than *I* think. They couldn't be.



LazyCookPete said...

I like the huge demo idea, but the Man will put agitators in the crowd to start violence. Once started the agitators slip away like the rats they are, and the baton charges begin.

Perhaps a flash mob peaceful protest would gain more publicity; a huge crowd which turns up in one of several pre-set locations, triggered by a SMS code signal on their mobiles.

The flash mob turns up, mob protests for 20 mins (too little time for an adequate response) then melts away to turn up at another pre-set rendezvous.

The key is not to linger too long in any one place. The main key is not to use violence, and not to present an arena where violence could be orchestrated by the polizei or other cynical elements.

Uncle Marvo said...

Oh, that's it. Give away our plan.

Damn. OK lads, time to regroup.

LazyCookPete said...

Lolz Marvo, my bad!

I never mentioned the sewer system... ulp... damn! Done it again.