May 21, 2011

UKBA: Lying Bastards

Recent visitors will know that I have picked a fight with the UK Border Agency.

I contravened the Customs & Excise Management Act 1979 (Section 78 (4) if you are a stickler for details). As explained in my last blog on this issue, I wrote a Notice to UKBA saying that the seizure of my goods was unlawful and I demanded that they return them to me. I had 30 days to make my claim. My Notice arrived with them on day 25. Their letter to me stated quite clearly that they would "hold safe the seized goods until the matter was resolved".

A couple of days ago I received another letter from UKBA saying they had decided that they would not Restore my goods. They say explicitly that they do not assess the legality of the seizure, merely that they decide on Restoration. The "legal" aspects, the reason I am going to court, are handled by a different department.

In the same letter there are four columns across the page: Description, Quantity, Excise Duty and Do UKBA Still Have It? Underneath those headings it says the following (respectively) Cigarettes Cigars, 960 25, £201.42 £37.69, No No.

Now, I would submit that the case is already decided in their favour. They have decided that I committed an offence, they seized my goods, and now they say they no longer have them.


Really. What was the point of them writing to me, giving me instructions on "What To Do If Your Goods Are Seized", stating that they will hold my goods safe, if they were going to summarily find me guilty AND destroy my goods?

When I get to court and put up my defence and win, what exactly are they going to return to me? I don't want money, this isn't about that. This is about having my lawful standing recorded in a court of law. The tobacco was the trigger, the shot will be heard in court. My point being that I care not a jot about the goods, they were just a means to an end.

But I now have solid proof that they are a bunch of lying bastards. I have it in writing.

It should be fun watching them squirm in court.



Sean O'Hare said...


Probably a stupid question, but why are UKBA seizing goods? I thought customs and excise was integrated with Inland Revenue not the UKBA.

Captain Ranty said...

Apparently they are a newly created department Sean.


Snakey said...

How dare you challenge the Gestapo, *cough*, I mean UKBA lol

Here's a nice quote, that for me, sums up such organisations:
"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it."
Frederic Bastiat - 1801 - 1850 Political Economist

Maverick said...

Don't forget to claim the expenses involved in purchaing your goods - your time - your travel etc etc ..

It is not just the value of the goods at the point of purchase - either the expense of travelling has to be reimbursed or the cost of replacing them here ...

Smoking Hot said...

Are you sure the goods have been destroyed? Was it perhaps Glasgow Airport? Perhaps you are dealing with a one Mr Sked?

Captain Ranty said...


No, I am not certain they were destroyed.

The actual statement following their own question: "Do UKBA Still Have It?" is...NO.

Does that mean they were destroyed? I think so, other wise they would still have my goods.

The line that "...tobacco is perishable" is surely a joke. Cigarettes are sealed in cellophane and stored for up to three years before they even appear on a shelf in the shop.


mescalito said...

good stuff captain, stick it to them.

Landmark Case Could Stymie Legal System:

Smoking Hot said...

Captain, did you not read Sked letter on link.

They are placed on a destruction list. Actual destruction can take place month's later ... in Zaphods case by an 'unknown' officer.

Which in my eyes translates as 'we nicked them and now have to make up a story they were destroyed'. Yours are prob in some UKBA officers house or for sale on the marlet.

richard said...

The only run-in I've had with this type was when I sent away for a knife which looked easily cleanable for the tackle-box, but instead there arrived a letter saying it had been seized by HM Customs as it was of a design unlawful in the UK. I was given the right to contest their decision in court within six months, but further (somewhat belated) research revealed that they were correct. A knife with two handles can't really be more dangerous than traditional designs, but for some reason it's illegal. This does not appear to be the case as described above. Tobacco is not deemed to be an offensive weapon no matter what some people think. Nor is it subject to duty within the EU. So what's going on? Sounds like a scam to keep people paying higher taxes in the UK for baccy, through fear of confiscation.

George Speller said...

Sic 'em, Cap'n

Anonymous said...

More than likely UKBA morons took the goods for their own personal use or else sold them on the black market to earn a few quid on the side. Corruption has been normalised in all agencies and at all levels and anti-tobacco is at the root of noralising corruption and tyranny. It's really the best way of normalising corruption because the majority of people, being non-smoking, feel it "won't affect us" and thus turn their heads the other way while the seed of satan is planted and festers, willfully choosing not to address it, even though it will consume all of society by the time it is through. Good luck getting your baccy back, but I feel they probably smoked it themselves, gave it to family or else sold it on black market for personal gain. Total tyranny in Britain yet the majority still are unable to see it, still fooled, by design.

Bucko said...

I hope you kick some butt. Good luck

JerryD said...

Wow. You purchased goods with your own income. Then some clown in a costume stole them. And now said clown has destroyed them, for contravening an arbitrary rule invented by other clowns?

Under Common Law thats Criminal Damage and Property Theft right there.

Must prosecute these bastards Captain...

Stealthy said...

Cunch of Bunts!

James Higham said...

Sue the crap out of them.

hangemall said...

Captain, perhaps you could go on the offensive and do what it says at the top of your page

“together with the community of the whole realm, distrain and distress us in all possible ways, namely, by seizing our castles, lands, possessions, and in any other way they can, until redress has been obtained as they see fit…” Ch. 61 Magna Carta 1215

Now how does one go about getting the bailifs on your side?

Captain Ranty said...

Thanks for the comments and the support.

Hangem, I am going to attempt to get a ruling at the court. Once the ruling is in place they should leave me alone.

SH, yes I did read the link. The difference is that they have said they do not have my stuff. This is not the same as them being scheduled for destruction. If they intended to destroy my goods in the future then they surely still have them?

Harry, Mescy, I followed your links. Very interesting indeed. Thanks for leaving them.


Broken Briton said...

What's your defence going to be? Did you actually conceal/fail to declare a taxable good on entry to the United Kingdom (paraphrasing from the legislation)? Are you going to deny that, or something more subtle?

Captain Ranty said...


I was asked on entry if I knew what the statutory limits were on tobacco brought in from outside Europe. I said yes. He then asked if he could look in my luggage and I said yes. Before he opened the case he asked how many cigarettes I had. I said around 5 cartons. He took my stuff and handed me a receipt and instructions on how to appeal.

I do not deny now, nor will I deny in court that I bent one of their statutes. My defence (or rather, one of them) lies in my standing as a Lawful Rebel. All conditions have been met for Lawful Rebellion and I have my affidavits in place. To find me "guilty" the judge has to prove to me that my 800 year old right to LR does not exist. If he finds that I do have the right then they have to return my goods and I can then continue to bring in however many cigarettes as I want to.

This is not about tobacco, but if he finds in my favour, as he must, then it opens the door to all sorts of other...activities.

As I have said before, they really should not pursue this. If they had any sense at all they would leave lid firmly on this particular can of worms. They won't, because they are arrogant. They assume superiority when it is in fact I who has that superiority.

I have already won. All that remains is for them to realise it.


NewsboyCap said...


"They assume superiority when it is in fact I who has that superiority.

I have already won. All that remains is for them to realise it".

Now that is the attitude we all should have, we are the masters, they seem to have forgotten this very important fact.

May your God(s) be with you if/when they 'invite' you to their place of injustice and evil.

Anonymous said...

We tried to declare, we had our goods seized, we went to court, we won, now we are waiting for our goods back, it's only taken 15 months so far.... watch this space. Your right about 1 thing tho, they are barstewards.

Anonymous said...

I am anonymous of 20/11/2012.. So the saga continues, we won the first round, but the barstewards have now appealed stating grounds of 1) Weight of evidence (there was no evidence) & 2) The Magistrates considered the wrong legal test. This case has already cost us taxpayers thousands of pounds, and all for £250 worth of tobacco! which we tried to pay the duty on in the first place. So now we go back to court, and for what????