May 10, 2011

Heading Back To The Bat-Cave.

It is almost a bat cave. I have around 100 pipistrelles living in the ceiling space above my office at home. I miss them chattering when I am away.

Memories I will be taking home:

1. The rotting corpse of a male by the side of the Lekki Expressway. It has been lying there for ten days now. A nearby (food) vendor said "If it bursts, it will definitely put my customers off".

2. A "lady of the night" showed me her right boob in an effort to entice me to make the beast with two backs. I was not enticed.

3. A crash between two motorbikes (manufactured by the mysterious Nanfang-perhaps biker Richard can shed some light?) but fortunately only egos were bruised. They both had helmets on (a miracle in itself) but they had them on backwards so that they looked cool. They didn't bother with the straps either.

This is an overnight flight so I don't expect to get much sleep. I will be full of tiredness when I get home and no-one will listen to my pathetic "north-south jet lag is real" whining.

I have a couple of nice posts lined up. If I can stir up as much discord as the last couple I will be well chuffed.

A few bust-ups now and then are good. It helps us all to see that there are several sides to every coin.



Angry Exile said...

How the hell do you put a bike helmet on backwards and still see where you're going? Was that why they crashed?

North-South jetlag? Is it really jetlag or just the physical effects of flying anywhere being such a colossal pain in the arse these days?

Captain Ranty said...

Well, they aren't always proper helmets. Some just wear hard-hats. I have only ever seen one real helmet like wot we wear in the UK.

The check-in process at Lagos International can take up to four hours. I tend to bribe them to process me faster. 1000 Naira (3 quid) can get you through in 20 minutes. Money well spent.

I never sleep because I am the unlucky fucker every new mum sits next to. I have lost count of the times I have held strange babies while mum goes for a pee.

I should bloody charge a fee! A pee fee :)

Blagged my way into the business lounge again, which is why I am online now. And, since I am pouring my own G&T's I will be well mashed before boarding.....


Captain Ranty said...

Oh, and you can SMOKE in the lounge as well.



Bucko said...

Ahh, you're coming home, not going away.
I'm with AE, flying is a huge ball ache, although I've never flown to a country where I can bribe the officials. Sounds fun.

Richard said...

I assume these are open-face helmets? They wear them not literally backwards, but tilted up so they can see. It means you can't fasten the straps, but it looks 'cool'. Darwin at work.

Nanfang are a Chinese bike manufacturer who make generic small bikes for the Third World. I've never seen one in the UK. If they are anything like the Chinese stuff I have seen over here, they will be utter shit.

Anonymous said...

several sides to every coin.

It shows us that there are still some out there who still dont know who their enemy is!