August 04, 2009

Dear Tony....

I thought that this was worth repeating. Hat tip to those over at Freedom to Choose. (Link to website by clicking on the title)

The following may, or may not, be true.

It's either a perfect snapshot of our nation, or, like everything else, it's a complete fabrication.

You decide.

*****EYES ONLY*****

To: The Supreme Ruler Of Europe (Designate)

From: The OESC

Dear Tony,

Well, talk about poisoned chalices! A fine mess you left me to sort out. Still, progress has been phenomenal. Your last words to me were, if I recall correctly, "If it looks like you won't win a GE, burn everything. Destroy it all". I have applied myself unstintingly and my scorched earth policy is going better even than we both dreamed. I have to say, I was a trifle worried about that smoker ban but it has had the desired effect. I am now up to 53 closures a week and by the time the general election comes around (if it does, tee hee), the idiots will have almost nowhere left to gather to discuss our failures. It was a brilliant plan: make some stuff up about second hand smoke and pit neighbour against neighbour, destroy communities, and bring about carnage in the hospitality industry. An added bonus was damaging the tourist trade, but what the hell, it's only money.

You did well to leech 52% out of the fools with direct and indirect taxation, but I just came up with a doozy! I'm going to tax them if they park their cars at work! They are so stupid they will fork out for anything! It's handy pumping out new statutes by the dozen. The gibbons here in Westminster have no clue what they are agreeing to. We just tell them to vote "Aye", and they do! It's good to be the King!

Our efforts to slaughter the sheep continues unabated. We are now slaying around 60,000 a year in the hospitals. We call them "iatrogenic deaths" and these morons think it is a new disease! I am proud to tell you that we lead Europe in MRSA deaths. We got the numbers up to 6,600. The very best the rest of Europe can manage is 100 per year. Pathetic! If I can do 6,600 with a population of 60,000,000 why can't they do better? They have 500 million sheep. Losers!

I am still blaming tobacco for killing 87,000 a year but we know that is a fabrication. Got to be seen to be doing the "right" thing. It keeps the anti-smokers incensed, and takes their eye off the other causes. Causes we can be blamed for. You know, vehicle emissions, radon, asbestos, that sort of thing. Those buggers at Freedom to Choose continue to irk me. They remind people constantly that SHS is a load of tripe. Worse, they keep uncovering those studies we had tried to hide. The ace up my sleeve is the Swine Flu "pandemic". Sheer genius. We are going to inject the entire population with a dangerous (and completely useless) cocktail of bile. That should see a few off. No pain, no gain, I always say.

One disappointment: the "Summer of Rage" riots are looking less likely. These sheep are so fast asleep that nothing motivates them to take to the streets. As you know, we had planned for these riots, and we have spent a fortune preparing for NATO troops to get settled in. They couldn't care who they shoot. It's nice to have a "legitimate" mercenary force at our disposal. I am slightly troubled that the riots won't happen. We need them so that we can declare martial law if we are to avoid a troublesome election. Failing that, we will just have to cheat. Mind you, there's nothing new in that. We lie about everything, but it would have been cleaner if we could just have shot a few thousand of them, and in so doing, rebuild the terror in the rest of them.

In closing, I just wanted to remind you that I have managed to devalue the £. Again. It is at its lowest for bloody years! Everyone's property has lost value, so that's going to plan as well. Hit 'em in the pocket, you always said, and it was good advice! That, and big lies. A wonderful combination. Can't wait for the Lisbon Treaty to kick in. That was another masterful plan. God, these people are dumb! I managed to get unemployment up to 5.8 million. Of course, the "official" figure is 2.2 million but with some creative manipulation I can paint a much rosier picture.

That's it from me. I'll drop you a note towards the end of the year when it's time to report to you again.

Be lucky,


*****EYES ONLY*****


Leg-iron said...

That's far too literate to have come from the Brown Gorgon. It must have come from someone with a non-socialist education.

We must arrange a little drinkie sometime, Cap'n.
I can be found at one of my alter egos here:

I'll come back and delete this once you've been in touch.

Captain Ranty said...

Check your inbox....

Anonymous said...

Yes, far too literate for Gorgon, however, the sentiments it cuntains are him to t 'T'.