January 10, 2013

A Party For The Stupid

Imagine, if you can, that you see an invitation to a party.

The invitation looks something like this:


I have selected a few people to come to my party. It should be fun as almost none of us even speak the same language! Oh, and you must, absolutely must, RSVP."

The group gathers. There isn't much conversation at the beginning. All are from different cultures so it isn't all that surprising.

There isn't exactly a host, as all assembled seem to want to organise the fun, but one chap, out of the blue, decides that he is in charge. There is some muttering, but the party continues.

[People mingle]

One says, "Hey, maybe we should do business together? I can sell you stuff and you can sell me stuff. We can set it down on paper and make an agreement".

Word spreads around the room and before long, all have signed the paper. None bothered to tell their wives/husbands or neighbours about the actual wording. Many of them didn't bother to read the words at all, so excited were they.

[Later on. Same evening]

One (shabbily dressed) man says to another, "I don't have money for the cab home. Can you help me out?" The other chap says, "I don't have enough either but hold on, I'll get it off one of the others". Off he goes, and comes back with a handful of notes which he gives to the shabbily dressed guy. On looking around the room, he discovers that almost everyone is getting money from the three wealthiest attendees. Money is being handed around and no-one seems to be keeping a tally.

[Later still]

The chap who elected himself as party leader announces that his brothers may need to come over to the other attendees' houses to pick up members of their family/community because someone said they saw them steal something from his house. All agreed that they could all do this, whenever they wanted to. No actual evidence would be needed, after all, are we not honourable people?

The leader says, "You know what I hate? Bendy bananas. I think we should have a rule that all bananas are particularly straight. Here are my arbitrary measurements. You must all do this or I can fine you for non-compliance. I don't want to hear any laughing either. New rule! Anyone criticising me is liable to a fine".

[Some muttering, some grumbling, but all agree]

"Whilst I think about it, I want an extension built on my house. This is too small for you lot. You all have to chip in for it" says the self-appointed one.

"And while you're at it, I want exactly the same extension at my 'ouse" says one of the wealthier ones. (It turns out that he was one of the people who suggested the party in the first place and didn't want to miss out).

[Time passes, but the guests are not idle]

By the end of the evening, thousands of rules have been agreed. All will chip in for another party and they soon discover that they want a party every single day. The cost is horrendous, but the poorer ones just keep borrowing off the richer ones and sometimes, they even borrow off the poor ones too. Chaos ensues. No-one knows who owes who what, or why. But the money shuffle continues.

It becomes obvious to all that some members should never have been invited at all. But this is embarrassing to the self-appointed leader and he will not, absolutely will not, admit that. "Keep lending them money" he instructs the richer guests.

Worse, some of those who were bamboozled into attending have discovered that their friends and neighbours have realised that the idea was a stupid one. They want out. But their leader says "No! We must attend the parties because if we don't, they may talk about us behind our backs". It is explained time and again to the leader that we know the others have more skeletons in their cupboard than we do in ours, and besides, life was great before the leader started going off to all these parties. "He does a great deal of lending and never borrows anything from the others", say the friends and neighbours, "This is costing us a fortune!"

"Many of the house rules we used to have have now been rescinded" says the leaders friends and neighbours, "We do not like the new rules, and we want to run our own house parties".

This is a fair and reasonable request but the leader, he says "No! I will go to a party soon and tell them we don't like some of the rules. That will shake them up!".

The leader, however, had forgotten that one of the rules he signed up to expressly forbids the changing of any rules.

All he has to do is announce that he no longer likes any of the rules and that he will not attend any more parties, and that he is not providing the drinks and the food for the others. And that we are going to hold parties with our old (and new) friends, from a different neighbourhood. Job done.

But he won't.

Because one day, he might, just might, get to be the unelected leader himself. Then he can get to boss all the other guests around.

If only he was brave and fearless, like the Swiss guy down the road. Or that nice Norwegian chappy.

If only he would listen to those friends and neighbours who have to pay for the party with money they haven't got, and who must obey the thousands of nonsensical new rules, those whose friends and family were whisked away to be locked up miles and miles away from home.

But you know what they say: like attracts like.

Only the really stupid would go to a party like that.

But only the monumentally moronic would keep going to a party like that.



James Higham said...

Sounds a monumental waste of time.

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that a lot of stupid rules came from BRITISH EU officials! The very ones you want to repatriate to run GB again. DUH!

Captain Ranty said...


It is.


Captain Ranty said...


I forgot a lot of stuff.

BUT, if you read the thing again I do say that all attendees made thousands of rules.

And who said anything about repatriation? Once we leave the Stupid Club we will not need MEPs.


Anonymous said...

Precisely, the brit MEPs will be looking for and getting jobs running GB again.

Anonymous said...

Hah - excellent analogy. This story should be told as part of civics lesson in junior/senior high school, so the children will be warned.

As a side note, I also bet, at that party, the chief protagonist declared that there will be NO smoking permitted, nor any smokers at the round-table when it comes to "discussion" (directives).