Now, I don't know about you, but when my outgoings draw level with my incomings, I stop spending. I find it remarkably simple. And, I will remind you, I don't have two braincells to rub together.
Our country doesn't have a pot to piss in. Worse, we mortgaged the piss-pot some years ago and went into negative pot equity shortly after that. We are skint. We have nothing. We have none to spare. We have no more to waste.
We are, in the common vernacular, brassic.
So, I would dearly love for one of the Oxbridge educated politicians to tell me in words of one syllable or less, just how the fuck they can a) justify a parliamentary wine cellar valued at £864,000 and b) justify spending another £17,698 on even more fucking wine?
Have they learnt nothing from the last shower of thieving bastards? Did they find 18 grand tucked away in an office draw and decide to blow it on fine wines?
Do the LiTors understand that it isn't their money they are pissing away? Do they understand that they have no money at all and that it is ALL ours?
Let's see what they have to say, shall we?
"Foreign Office minister Henry Bellingham revealed that Government Hospitality, which manages the cellar, had spent £17,698 on new stock since May 6 - bringing the total value to £864,000 - though he insisted the standard practice of buying wines young saved money for the taxpayer".
No, you gormless twat. You haven't saved us a single penny. The only way you can "save" our money is to stop fucking spending it.
Read this very carefully: You. Have. No. Money. It. Belongs. To. Us.
Witless Bellingham continues thusly:
"None of these wines has yet been used. Careful management of the Government wine cellar enables GH to provide wine for high profile events at significantly below the current market rate, making substantial savings for the taxpayer."
Good. Then return them. And let's just think about those "high profile events" shall we?
If they are from Arabic nations, they won't be needing wine. Allah (PBUH) says they can't get mashed.
If they are from EU nations, they are just as skint as we are. Fuck 'em. They can bring their own plonk.
If they are from the USA, same same. BYOW. It's the courteous thing to do.
If they are from second or third world countries, give 'em a nice glass of clean water. We routinely deny them access to clean water. Their children die in the millions for lack of it. It should go down like angels tears.
This disgusting tale would not be complete without a quote from a Labour twat.
Oh, here's one now:
But with public sector pay and pensions set to be squeezed in Tuesday's Budget as ministers seek further cuts to deal with the £155 billion deficit, Labour former Cabinet Office minister Tom Watson called on the coalition to sell off its fine wines to prove "we're all in this together".
Yes Tom. We are all in the shit together. It was your fault. It was your pathetic parties' fault. And now that you are condemned to sit in opposition after 13 years of piss-poor management, you are awful quick to suggest selling off the
Fucking hypocrite. You're all the same.
I'm off to get motherless on booze I paid for myself. When did you last hear an MP say that?
And people call me a freeloader?