The Slotting Of Osama

Here is a blow by blow.

I may well be half-pissed but I reckon this is for real.....

TRANSCRIPT WH-011/b-119 (DOD COMSPEC)

JSOC CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT

CLEARANCE G2 REQUIRED

COMGEN JSOC

Ladies and gentlemen, please take a seat. The operation is scheduled to commence at 0445 local time. Mr. President, the command chair is yours if you would like it. Mr. President?

POTUS

Who, me? Oh, uh, sorry, I was reading the reviews of my set at the Correspondent's dinner. Check this out everybody, I got three and half stars from the Post! 

VPOTUS

You slayed 
'em boss! Did you see that look on Trump's face? Zing!

COMGEN JSOC

Yes sir, it was quite impressive. Would you like the command chair?

POTUS

No thanks, I'll just sit here in the corner. I might have to bug out for my 4pm tee time. Dammit, how come I'm not getting a single bar on my iPhone?

SECDEF

I'm sorry Mr. President, the war room is scrambled during a Code Delta situation.

POTUS

How long is this thing going to take? I still haven't read my reviews at the Times and Huffington Post.

COMGEN JSOC

Undetermined, sir. SEAL 6 has trained against 16 different strike site defense scenarios. If you recall, I briefed you on those last night.

POTUS

Yeah, right during my rehearsal. And you almost threw my timing.
COMGEN JSOC

I... uh... no excuse, sir.

SECDEF

Quiet everyone, the satellite feed is coming in. This infrared image is from the inside of chopper 1.

SECSTATE

Wait a minute... is this SEAL team 6?

COMGEN JSOC

Yes ma'am.

SECSTATE

Why aren't there any women?

COMGEN JSOC

Ma'am?

SECSTATE

Don't act dumb with me, General. It's been 14 years since "G.I. Jane," and your so-called Special Forces are still engaged in gender discrimination.

COMGEN JSOC

Um... I'll have my staff prepare a report for you first thing post-target extraction, ma'am. Mr. President, if you look... Mr. President?

POTUS

Just a sec... I'm almost winning at Free Cell.
COMGEN JSOC

Mr. President, why don't you give me your iPhone and take this.

POTUS

What's this?

COMGEN JSOC

It's an XBox controller. It, uh, controls the SEALs.

POTUS

Really?

COMGEN JSOC

Yes sir. We thought by letting you participate in the operation, it might help make it less boring.

POTUS

Cool! What do the buttons do?

COMGEN JSOC

They... uh... just push them, you'll figure it out.

VPOTUS

Ooh! Ooh!

COMGEN JSOC

Yes, Mr. Vice President. You don't have to raise your hand.

VPOTUS

I wanna play too! Can I play with my Wii controller? 

COMGEN JSOC

Sure, go ahead. And now, if... 

POTUS

I call dibs on SEAL team 6!

VPOTUS

How come I always have to be the terrorist?

SECDEF

Dammit - Chopper two's rotor hit the compound wall.

POTUS

It's not my fault it's this stupid controller! The A button is sticky.

VPOTUS

Haha! PWND, American Infidel!

COMGEN JSOC

I've got - I've got confirmation... Chopper 2 down, but crew all safe.

POTUS

You're going down Osama! I'm at full health!

VPOTUS

Haha for you, infidel! I am have the kung fu moves!

POTUS

Ow! Dammit Joe, watch it with that thing!

COMGEN JSOC

So far so good... if the sitrep is accurate behind this door should be target location...

POTUS

Pa-pow! Pa-pow! Pa-pow! 

VPOTUS

Hey! Those were my henchmen! Two can play at that game...

SECSTATE

Joe?! What the hell are you doing?

VPOTUS

I am to making you the human shield, stupid wife! Do not the talks to me behind your burka!

POTUS

Blammo! 

VPOTUS

Arrr.... you... got... me... infidel pig...

POTUS

Woo! Level up! 

VPOTUS

Lay down on the ground Hillary! He got you too.

POTUS

And the world is saved once again, thanks to Barack Obama, Navy SEAL.

[applause]

COMGEN JSOC

Mr. President, aren't you going to stick around to see the extraction?

POTUS

See it? I lived it.

Sounds plausible to me...

CR.

PS_tip of the beret to these folks.